I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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