a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think my moral compass just broke
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