I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
