She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
