That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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