I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
