I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
