Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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