so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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