haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she told me i tasted like america
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
