so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
