In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
