just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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