So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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