If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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