I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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