We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
