I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
how do you play pong handcuffed?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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