call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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