11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
