just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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