I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
