I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
whose parrot is this?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
