No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
