Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
