my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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