thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
