i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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