the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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