Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize