I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
