This girl is more easily done than said...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
