The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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