Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
