i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
its liver damage thursday
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