Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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