Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
