I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
