I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
