a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to calm my uterus...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize