'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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