First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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