Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
