and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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