I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Pooping to opera.
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