We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
