its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
