If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
