Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
