Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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