a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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