Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
