You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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