Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
whose parrot is this?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
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