Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
