Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
