I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
