So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
