so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
