is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
