Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
