Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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